hiding in my room

i am not sure how long this poetry idea will last. i have been writing for most of my life, but there's been a long dry spell. i am not sure if it's stress induced, or inspired by the Ginsberg film, or what the cause is, but i am writing again. i woke up today with a bit of sickness that has lingered a week or so now, and a long with that, the sense i wanted to write...

sometimes i write things that are the exact opposite of how i actually feel. sometimes i write things that are dramatic exaggerations of my emotional state. like i'm tired and just waking up, is somehow turned into...
whatever this emotion is...

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hiding in my room

behind my smile is hollow empty sadness

but no one will ever know

there’s pain inside my joking words

that my hazel eyes will never show

i cry alone in secret

with no tears across my cheek

i fear alone in darkness

with no words that I can speak

loneliness piles around me like a sandy beach

happiness is on a shelf that’s just out of

my reach

no step stool

no ladder

no helping hand

nothing

when outside i feel warm as the sun

holding hands with freedom

in a downhill reckless run

all the while inside me

my emotions like an open drain

all these people all around me

and i am empty lonely pain

the night air cools the silence

safe darkness is my groom

at least its familiar

this hiding in my room